- I explained that blogging has forced me to develop a confident writing voice as well as complete short assignments once a week or more.
- I admitted that the instant gratification of seeing my work out there and getting feedback on my thoughts has kept me coming back to blogging like a drug.
- I explained that blogging tends to work best within the blogging community, which means you have to read other blogs and leave comments if you expect your audience to grow beyond your family and friends.
- I acknowledged that this all absolutely takes away from the fiction, which I didn’t mind that much since I wasn’t enjoying writing fiction anymore anyway.
- I surprised myself when I wrote that last bit to her. I’d known it for a long time, however I’d been operating under the assumption that I was still an aspiring novelist, and I had yet to say otherwise to anyone.
Believe it or not, for now the answer is yes.
The blogging/essay form works for me. Like Rachel kindly said, I don’t ever throw something together. When I mentioned finding weekly blog posts easier than fiction, I think I meant “more fun.” It’s not always easy, but I love it anyway. And here’s a major benefit—people seem to enjoy reading my non-fiction “stuff.”
A random essay I wrote last fall on TC Jewfolk.com was shared on Facebook 500+ times and used by two rabbis I’d never met in their High Holiday sermons. I think each of my short stories has been read on average six times. (By the editor who chose it, by my parents, my aunt NanC, my aunt Barbara, and a few of my most loyal blog readers.) I have always felt a sense of satisfaction when one of my stories gets placed in a literary journal for the simple fact that it’s so dang hard to get stories accepted. Still, there’s an ”if a trees fall in the forest” reality to the short story world and even the novel world. It’s lonely out there for most writers of fiction, which brings me to my next issue.
For the past year or more I’ve had this nagging “sage and classic writing advice voice” in my head telling me that if I love writing so much I should worry less about having an audience and just enjoy the process. This voice accuses me of confusing writing with publishing. This voice says that real writers don’t care if people read their work.
You know what? That might be true for some writers and other creative types, and it was even true for me when I took my first fiction class for fun one summer when I was 22. At this point in my life, however, “just enjoying the process and never thinking about getting work out there” sounds like a bit of utopian writer bullshit.
I believe that advice is absolutely true for writers deep into their publishing careers who are tired of the marketing and begging that goes hand-in-hand with trying to sell books nowadays. But for those of us on the other side, it’s not always the most helpful thing to hear. It reminds me of times I’ve been tempted to tell first-time moms-to-be to enjoy their pregnancies because they’ll miss certain aspects of it once the baby comes. I probably did that after I had my first baby. Four babies later, I get that it’s annoying to hear “appreciate these days” when you’re chewing your twentieth Tums of the afternoon and your back pain makes you feel like you’re growing an elephant in there.
I think it’s fair to say that the majority of people who spend time writing do so with the hope of seeing their work in the world one day, and there shouldn’t be any shame in that goal. I still want to be a “real” writer, meaning I would like to eventually stretch beyond the world of blogging, wherever it takes me. For most of my life, I’ve imagined fiction as the only way I could be a “real” writer. I’m starting to come around.
I’m tired of calling myself an aspiring novelist when I’m not writing a novel right now. I haven’t been writing a novel for a year, and I don’t plan on writing one any time soon. It feels good to say so to myself and to say so here. Turns out I’m not up for the solitary experience anymore. I think Rachel is right when she states that writing fiction requires an inward focus that’s different from the type of writing I do now.
At this point in my life, I write to communicate. I’m drawn to non-fiction so why on Earth would I fight what feels natural? Letting go of fiction for a bit gives me some space to explore other non-fiction avenues—not in book form for now, but maybe more on the personal essay/freelance side. I don’t know . . . the good news is that erasing the label “aspiring novelist” from my mental tagline frees me from feeling bad about the time I spend on the blog and social media. I do seem to have a knack for this particular gig and instead of feeling crappy about that, I suppose I ought to work it while I can.
I have no idea where the world of non-fiction will take me. I have limited time to write (see the fabulous picture below), and I just want to explore. The blog/essay/article ideas come all the time. I have 40 unfinished posts in my WordPress draft folder. 40! I have a folder of half-written stories and novels as well, but even glancing at that little icon on my desktop gives me a stomach ache. Not exactly a good sign for an “aspiring novelist.”
Could blogging be enough, Rachel asks. Seems like it’s more than enough. Seems as though, for now, I have plenty to say. On the day that I’m ready to go inward again, I can revisit the imaginary world.
So it turns out I’m experimenting with thinking of myself as an essayist. What to do with this? I’m not razor-sharp funny like David Sedaris, Steve Almond, Sloane Crosley, Dave Berry, or others who have made careers out of humor. I’m not a journalist or a reporter. I’m not Joan Didion with wise words to share about living through tragedy.
In my dream writing world of the future, (after years of practice and experience), I’d become a combination of Nora Ephron, whom I admire for her wit; Anne Lamott, whom I admire for her honesty and insight; and Cheryl Strayed, whom I admire for her stunning courage on and off the page.
Of course in the end, I can only be me. And yes, for now that is enough.
So readers, that’s the (long) summary of my writing identity crisis. Can you relate? Can people on other career paths relate? And back to Rachel’s main question, is it possible to write novels and a blog and do both well?
A special thank you to my blogging friend and fellow writer, “Rachel.” We’ve continued to email about her writing journey and mine. Maybe one day we’ll meet at a writing conference. I have a feeling we will.
NOTE ADDED TO SAY: The conversation is so fantastic in the comments section, and I don’t want to interrupt the flow with my two cents and my little avatar. I’ll be responding to individuals via email and visiting blogs this week. I’m here listening and reading, but I’ll visit you at “your place.” Keep the discussion going!
As long as I’m getting uber-personal in this post . . . From left to right: Elissa (3), Nathan (6 months), Sam (7), Rebecca (5)
Nina (@NinaBadzin)
Latest posts by Nina (@NinaBadzin) (see all)
- The Spanx Effect of Controlling my iPhone Time - May 21, 2013
- The Post Listen to Your Mother Post - May 14, 2013
- When a Friendship Needs a Break - May 6, 2013
Welcome! I am a freelance writer living in Minneapolis with my husband and four children. My essays on parenting, social media etiquette, improving my habits, Jewish life and more appear in the Huffington Post, Kveller.com, The Jewish Daily Forward and elsewhere. I'm glad you found your way here!
That was a wonderful essay, thank you for sharing your experience. Write now I am pursing children’s writing thinking this is what I want, but sometimes I think I like critiquing and reading books more than I like writing my own stories. Your essay has given me a sense of comfort that it is okay to change your mind should I reach that point where I need to decide. Thank You.
-Darshana
I’m SO glad you wrote about this, and, um, YES, I can relate!! While I come from a slightly different angle (my writing goals have long been set on penning a Bill Bryson-David Sedaris-Augusten Burroughs-esque memoir…I’m hesitant to admit I majored in non-fiction in college, because I did so little with writing for so long), I too struggle with the balance between blogging and writing anything else. I feel like I devote so many hours a week to blogging (and reading blogs) that it must be taking away from ‘real’ writing. I’m only now starting to appreciate blogging as being ‘up there’ with these supposedly lofty writing goals. I think blogging has given so much more than it’s taken away. To your point, the instant gratification is powerful. A year ago, NO ONE was reading my writing. I wasn’t talking to other writers. And now I have so many opportunities to grow and learn as a writer.
I think you have a very unique, powerful non-fiction voice. I know I’m new(ish) to your blog (and thanks to Renee Schuls-Jacobson for leading me here from your guest post for her!), but I’ve been coming back because of how thoughtful, well-written and relatable your posts are. There are VERY few non-humor blogs that I follow, and this is one of them! (Not to say you’re not funny!
) So I wouldn’t worry too much about forsaking fiction!
I think this is a great post, Nina. I think I come out on the opposite side of the argument, but I really enjoyed following your thought process and seeing how you came to your decision (for now, at least) to focus on the blogging and essay-writing. I’ve only been following your blog for a few weeks (met you through Renee) but I already appreciate (and look forward to reading) what you have to say. And yes, your work is thoughtful. I wish more writers put as much time and thought into their blog posts as you do.
Your post made me understand why I am pursuing my blogging…thanks for that, Nina! I, too, love non-fiction, and tend to read and write it!
MakingTheWriteConnections
Poignant as ever, Nina. What an amazing journey you’ve had, and an eloquent one too. I’m in awe of your professionalism and down to earth qualities. You are definitely a fave blog of mine to read and this post felt really personal and also enlightening. You’ve given validation to the struggle many of us face in balancing blogging time, writing time, and social media. I know I put myself down because I always feel I’m not doing enough or moving fast enough, but each of us does our thing in our own time. You sound like you’ve found some internal writing peace. I hope I eventually get there.
To me, the most important thing is to be true to where you are and what is important to you. Why waste time doing something just because you think you should.
I totally agree with you about writing for the joy of writing being bullshit. I write because I want people to read what I write, and I try to write well because I want them to enjoy it. I find the immediate gratification of blogging pretty addictive, too. I just don’t have your kind of success with it! You are an excellent essayist, and it shows in your success, I think.
So, can blogging be enough? Depends… But I’m happy you’ve found your answer!
Just want to add my kudos for being so honest and sharing your self-discovery for the benefit of the rest of us. I’m here via Natalia Sylvester, who tweeted about this post, and I agree with her (as did you) that we all need to reevaluate our passions and our goals from time to time, to make sure we’re staying true to them. I’m glad this conversation with Rachel did that for you, and I have no doubt your post will now spur many others to look inward as well.
I agree that blogging and writing a book don’t actually go hand in hand, but I really enjoy both. I’m the type who craves positive reinforcement and quick feedback, so blogging satisfies me in a way that allows me to endure the long slog of writing my novel. It’s a strange balance, even though each borrows time and energy away from the other.
Anyway, it’s not easy to do both, and maybe it means my progress in each will be slower… but at this point in time, anyway, I’m sticking with them. I’ll be sure to reevaluate occasionally though.
(I followed Renee’s tweet over.) When I began blogging, I wrote a lot of essays, primarily because I didn’t really know what to write about. I always wanted to write, but in my mind a “real” writer produced fiction. Somehow I managed to ignore an entire population of non-fiction writers, journalists, speech writers, bloggers, etc. But blogging helped me find my voice, and it speaks non-fiction. After a while, I started considering myself a writer.
But something happened along the way. Those essays gave way to…I don’t know. I think it’s just life, really. Slowly, my blog became more about me and mine, with some fun things thrown in that I just enjoyed posting. After a while, I stopped considering myself a writer.
But why? Is it not real writing just because I’m talking about personal growth as opposed to contradicting Tolstoy’s opinions about art? Is it not real writing because it comes easier to me than an essay on the nature of infinity? I am writing, people are reading it, so why can I not call myself a writer?
I think it’s that thing I have in my head – that old idea of what a writer is or should be. “Is blogging enough?” meant something a little different to me, and I know I’m slightly off topic. But as I was reading your post, something clicked: I write a blog. Writing is writing, no matter what you write about. Now I’ve just got to convince myself to believe it
Wow, what an interesting post, and comments!!!!!
I’m trying to write a blog and a novel at the moment and I’m finding that the blogging is taking over…..I’m not really sure what to do to be honest lol
Xx
Having not read your fiction, I cannot make any comments about your talent in that genre. What I do feel qualified to say is that you have such a gift in the NF genre. Your voice is appealing and your messages are spot-on. Insightful and emotional without being over-the-top.
Embrace who you have grown to be rather than mourn who you thought you were.
Nina–You are a marvel. I could feel your awakening in the email excerpts and in this essay. You clearly have a gift for blogging–(my goodness, look at these comments!!)–and that might just be enough. By “enough,” by the way, I mean something that makes a tremendous impact and inspires people. What you do here is a big deal, and you are blessed to recognize that and embrace it.
You’ve certainly empowered me today. Thank you.
First, love love love that you were able to get such a fantastic picture. Second, great post – I admire the honesty, which is one of the reasons I love being your friend anyway. And lastly, have enjoyed reading ALL of your work (including the short stories you’ve shared).
Find your passion and follow it. You are allowed to change your mind. If blogging fuels your fire there is no reason not to follow it wherever it takes you.
Nina, I always get so much out of your blog posts. So much. I love your honesty, your humor and your courage — you already combine these three traits beautifully. What I appreciate the most here is the idea that we can continually redefine ourselves as writers, based on what works best for us now. Right now, at this point in my life — still recovering from this blasted head injury — I’m a writer in short bursts, when I can. That would have horrified me six months ago, with the goals that I had set for myself. Who knows where I’ll be six months from now? Probably just as scattered! Still working out the details and the definitions . . .
Sorry that shows up as “admin” — it’s really me.
What a fantastic post Nina…as always, like was pointed out. Your posts are very polished and worth a start-to-finish read which is not always the case in the blog world. I’m glad you’ve found what is fulfilling and functional for you. Your blog and articles have really taken off lately and clearly you have an impressive career going without aspiring to be something that maybe isn’t for you anyway…or at least not right now
A great writer is someone capable of self-reflection. You’ve demonstrated that here.
This post resonates with me, because it was only about three years ago or so that I wondered why my professional non-fiction writing came so easily and my fiction was tougher, despite dabbling with it for years. It dawned on me–late in life in my opinion–that I could write creatively and write non-fiction, and then realized–duh!–that is called “creative non-fiction.” So I’m halfway through an MFA program in CNF and loving every minute of it. My muse is happy, so I’m happy.
Take this path wherever it leads, Nina.
Actually, Patrick, you’ve come to mind lately as I’ve been thinking about what else could be out there for me. I know you’re tackling creative non fiction and I’m looking to you for guidance!
Oh my, the pressure is on! Seriously, though, happy to help you explore a space I’ve only recently begun exploring myself. It is quite fascinating. Your blog demonstrates you’re a natural for the genre.
Love this, Nina– I think it’s great to admit (aloud, maybe just to close friends– whatever works) what our intentions are and why. You have such a GIFT for essays– if that’s what you enjoy, then all the better.
Great post. Thanks for your honesty. I’m really struggling with this issue right now– I find it very hard to focus on developing my literary essays while also trying to maintain a blog and all that comes with it. As I try to juggle both, both probably suffer. The blog at this point is not my priority, but I still wish I could get the hang of a schedule with it. Right now I feel like I’m drowning in unread blogs, unwritten comments, unanswered Tweets…ack!
There’s no easy answer. Sometimes you just have to work on what “calls” at the time. (That is when there’s no real deadline, of course.) Real deadlines help create priorities. That’s for sure!
I, too, get a lot of enjoyment out of blogging and totally agree that it is like a drug. It is the quick confidence fix I need whereas writing fiction is a very long sales process. Freelancing, blogging, and writing fiction is a very heavy load to carry and I find myself understanding completely where you are coming from.
I am continuing my fiction but at a very slow pace. I am proud of you for being honest with yourself and being content at what makes you really happy. You are a wonderful writer and I will be a follower of yours in whatever writing you pursue.
Love,
H
Loved you post Nina , I am not sure about the blogging, guess I need to find my voice like you and just write , what I am inspired , and be happy no matter what .You have a beautiful family
I absolutely love reading your posts, Nina, regardless of their subject, so I sure do not want you to give non-fiction up! Follow this path wherever it leads and fulfills you the most. Adorable picture of your children, by the way!
[...] this week. I’ve enjoyed getting to know some new bloggers after last week’s post about my writing identity crisis reached new [...]
I totally agree! I think ALL artists (okay, most) want their work to be seen or read. I don’t know anyone who writes just for themselves, with no hope of an audience, ever. Unless maybe it’s a private journal. The very definition of art, to me, whether through visual means or the written word, is something you create and then put out into the world to be interpreted and enjoyed by others. Writing fiction is lonely, and the reactions and attention much less immediate than if you share a photograph or a blog post. My blog only gets about six readers right now (ha!) but it’s still more views, and views more often, than my fiction used to command.
This is very meaningful to me, Nina. I’m wrestling with the same issues. I’ve written the first installment of a blog with which to refurbish my website (probably not coming for a couple more weeks if ever…) and, at the same time, have sworn to myself to work more on my current writing project. Blogging seems like a more social, and therefore more fun, form of writing. Does one want to remain in the company of the demons of more serious writing? For the moment, at least, I’ve decided to have more fun with my memoir by turning it into fiction. Now I can play more with it. Best wishes to you from another survivor of writing (and motherhood).
That’s a great of way saying it, Anne. “Does one want to remain in the company of the demons of more serious writing?” I think there may be a point when I want to do that again, but for now I don’t. I look forward to seeing the revamped blog!
Wow. You’re making me think about things. What is it I really really want to do with my writing? Thanks for the post, and good luck in your writing journey!
Nina, what a stimulating post! But I wonder…Are you (through your blogging) really turning into a non-fiction writer, albeit a brilliant essayist and basta? Couldn’t it be just a phase? Now you are enjoying your blog and connecting with people out there. Fiction writing is a lonely occupation: you don’t really connect as you write and the only connection you have is with beta readers (if you’re lucky to have them – I don’t and I find myself struggling with loneliness and wondering whether my fiction is going in the “right” direction…)
Blogging is much more fun: you communicate with others. You push your ideas out, simple and clear, without the use of metaphors the way one does in writing fiction (at least I do – I like fiction to have a “message” – I guess you could say that as a reader I’m not much into straight genre lit)
But after a while, you might be drawn back to the artistic allure of fiction writing – particularly as you have the talent for it. So I think you’ll find that you’re not an “aspiring novelist” for the time being, but don’t push it off: it could come back! And make you happy! I’m saying this because it’s been my experience: I have had periods in my life that I’ve been into non fiction (I’m an economist – Columbia U. grad) and other times when I’ve written novels and short stories. Both are possible, if not together in time. Which, incidentally, means that if you’re seriously into fiction writing, you can’t spend that much time on blogging (the non-fiction intrudes in the fiction work!!)
Let me know what you think!
I agree with ALL of this, and I also want to say how much I appreciate your thoughtful response. I do think I’ll go back to fiction and probably sooner than later. (As in, maybe in a year or two.) I really do agree that it’s hard to do both well. Maybe for me right now the issue is having four kids 7 and under . . . but I just can’t focus on the fictional world these days. And I got tired of feeling bad about it. I also got tired of answering questions about my nonexistent book!
Do you feel any pressure as a fiction writer to build up your “platform” and come out of that quiet world?
Love this post. I totally understand where you’re coming from (but from the flip side.) When I was preparing for my debut novel to come out, I was still maintaining two blog and running myself ragged. I love blogging, still do. But I came to the point where I had to ask myself the question: Do I want to be a blogger who writes or a writer who blogs?
My priorities fell on the the writing side because that is my true passion. I can’t not write fiction. (And yes, I want people to read it, lol. I don’t believe that whole I-don’t-care-if-anyone-reads-this spiel either.) So I let go of one of the blogs and streamlined things. It’s been a good decision all around. I think it’s great that you found the one that makes you happiest.
“Do I want to be a blogger who writes or a writer who blogs?”—-YUP. I struggle with that constantly.
I love Nora Ephron’s writing too; I have several of her nonfiction books. But I also recently bought the novel she wrote many years ago, Heartburn, and I really liked it; I wish she’d written more novels. But I think it’s perfectly fine to take a break from writing fiction, because you should write what you want to write. If you’re writing something that you don’t want to write, then where’s the fun in that?
Love that last thought. It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling.
[...] while perusing some awesome blogs this morning, I ran across this awesome post by Nina Badzin, I’m not an Aspiring Novelist, at Least for Now. In this post, Nina explains how she came to the realization that she enjoyed blogging more than [...]
Nice to see others feeling the same way as me.
Yes, you can blog and write at the same time and do both of them very well. It probably helps that I’m out of work and have the time to do it, when I get back to work and my first born arrives we will see. For now I think you can have quality in both – blogs and novels.
I think you’re right, but as you say–as long as you have the time to really do both well. The baby will add a new complication, but you STILL might be able to do it. Many people do!
Its all about finding that pocket of time and when you find that pocket you got to drive yourself to use it. Time always shrinks – first marriage then children – but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It is all about staying hungry. If you want it you will still go after it.
Your post truly spoke right to my heart. I’ve been struggling with the same thoughts. Fiction writing, what I’ve always dreamed of doing, just hasn’t come to me. And I’ve felt torn and almost like a fraud in my writing community because I don’t really have a WIP. I take courses. I analyse myself. Am I just scared? Is it fear? What’s holding me back? I’ve beat myself up because I know I am different from my close knit writing friends who are writers who blog. I seem to a blogger who writes. The distinction has not been lost on me and I’ve felt guilty and somewhat inadequate
Reading your post helped me to realize IT’S OK to feel that way. Maybe I will write a fiction book, maybe I won’t. Either way, as a blogger I am still a WRITER. And that’s what I need to celebrate and focus on. And trust that rest will work itself out as I meander along and follow my heart, my passion, and what brings me joy. And maybe it’s time to consider non-fiction ideas. Either way, reading your post was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, pressure released and a HUGE SIGH of relief…
I am not alone…thank GOD!
Here’s to continuing to explore and enjoy the journey!!
Natalie,
Thank you so much for this note. I’m so glad you found the post and that it helped you. What I’ve found is that some days I still find myself thinking about fiction, but the thoughts don’t last for long. One day when they do again, I figure I’ll go back in that direction. For now it’s been such a relief to let my interests pull me along rather than forcing myself to honor my interests of days past. If that makes sense . . .
Stay in touch! We’re connected on Twitter now so that’s great.
Nina
“For now it’s been such a relief to let my interests pull me along rather than forcing myself to honor my interests of days past. If that makes sense…”
It does…totally!!!
[...] of the quarter-finished novel manuscripts she’s read for me, but as my regular readers know I’m hanging out in the non-fiction section these days. No matter what, Anne is constantly humoring my ever-changing writing goals and helping me think [...]
[...] while it was certainly an exciting few days for my experiment in non-fiction over fiction, it wasn’t a great week for Twitter and Facebook etiquette. I felt enormously guilty and [...]
[...] while it was certainly an exciting few days for my experiment in non-fiction over fiction, it wasn’t a great week for Twitter and Facebook etiquette. I felt enormously guilty and [...]
Nina, I’m so glad I followed links from WU to here and read your thoughts on writing and finding the voice through which you best communicate.
Blessings as you continue–and thank you for helping me understand that Twitter and I will have to learn how best to coexist before I return to its fray.
Hello there! Thank you so much for taking the time to see what I have going on here.
As for Twitter, I’ll be writing a monthly column for Writer Unboxed about Twitter so of course I have many thoughts about it. I meant what I said in the FB forum . . . Twitter is really not for everyone. If you’re experiencing some good engagement with readers on Facebook, then for now that’s probably enough. I would for sure turn off the WordPress broadcasts. Think of Twitter like a phone conversation or a dinner party rather than a bulletin board. You would never walk into a party and just talk about yourself, right? The expectation is the same on Twitter. Actually, I think I just wrote my first paragraph for this months’ column. Thank you!
I turned it off immediately after your note, Nina. I don’t post about my work as much as I use the blog to think out loud (or at least in public) about writing and sailing–with the occasional and very rare book review when I’ve found something that made me sit up and take note.
I’ll look forward to your posts on WU, though I’ve barely time to read other folks’ blogs and answer queries without neglecting my day job (writing and editing). I feel very blessed by it all.
Normandie Fischer recently posted..And We Have A Winner!
[...] essays. Nina Badzin, who maintains a blog, writes fiction, and publishes personal essays online, wrote last spring about choosing to focus on blogging instead of writing a novel. You really don’t have to do it all. In fact, it’s probably better for you–and [...]
[...] discussed by short story writer and blogger, Nina Badzin, fiction writing and social media can be particularly antithetical. One is a very internal process; the other is external and social. Every day is a [...]
[...] I am jealous. And so excited for her. But I appreciate Nina’s honesty when she talks about laying down her dream of being a fiction writer – for now, at least. That’s where I diverge. I still want to publish a book. Many [...]
Great post! I LOVED the comparison of published and non-published writers to pregnancy – genius! Based on all the comments, you are not alone. I flip-flop between fiction and nonfiction, as well. Love fiction and dream of that novel (have written a very bad one, as well), but my voice seems to shine more when writing nonfiction, at least according to friends and family.
Allie, Do you have a blog? I’d love to find it if you do!
I’m JUST starting it:). I will get back with you once I get my sea legs and I’m up & running. Nervous. I just got a “column” in our local magazine…through pure nepotism:)! They have urged me to have a blog for my bio.
Good luck and make sure to come back and let me know.
[...] of my most popular posts in 2012 was titled “I’m Not an Aspiring Novelist.” To recap, a regular reader of this blog asked my advice about keeping up an engaging site while [...]