My You Tube Debut
I wrote an article for Kveller last month poking a little fun at how much time we all spend behind our cameras. We take thousands of pictures then worry about what to do with the impossible-to-tame collection we’ve amassed. When I write those kinds of articles it comes from my own life. I take too many pictures. I feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of digital files documenting our family’s memories.
It’s this habit of making our memories about the MEMENTO (the picture, the video, etc.) more than the EXPERIENCE that got me into trouble when the Listen to Your Mother videos were released on YouTube last week.
My video came out a little strange due to an issue with the footage during my performance. That’s the extent of my technical understanding of what happened. For most of the video, I look like an ant and my video does not resemble the 500+ others from the national YouTube channel for Listen to Your Mother. When I auditioned for the show I watched several of the videos from years past and it was that sort of close-up memento or documentation I had in my mind when we, the cast members, were encouraged to get ready to share our own videos at some point this summer.
I was so excited when I heard the videos were released as this whole being in a cast and on a stage was an absolute first for me. I clicked on the Twin Cities page and saw right away that something was off. There’s a thumbnail image of each cast member, but in my image there’s an empty stage. I clicked on the link and saw after the first few seconds that the rest of the video is either of the audience or my ant-like self. I was disappointed, and I’m not proud to say that I was a total crab apple for the rest of the day and night.
Disappointment
Really, I was poutier than I’d been about anything in a long time, and then I was annoyed at myself for being such a downer about it. Was the experience I’d gone through with the cast not wonderful? Had it not opened me up to writers in the Twin Cities that I never would have met otherwise? Was the evening of Listen to Your Mother not a uniquely special experience where I spoke on a stage for the first time and felt overwhelmingly supported by friends and family? And finally, was I seriously going to be a big baby because the freaking video wasn’t perfect?
Was the memento more important than the experience?
I was putting the memento ahead of the experience and had to snap myself out of that funk. By the morning I was already reflecting on an important difference between children and (most) adults. When a child is confronted with a situation that is not what he or she expected, the average child dwells in a space of disappointment for a long time. Or the child dwells in that space loudly as in the case of a tantrum, a slammed door, and many dramatic tears. I dwelled in that same sort of this-isn’t-what-it’s-supposed-to-look-like space on the day the videos were released. And thank goodness I had the sense to let it go relatively quickly. Because PERSPECTIVE, right? We’re not talking about serious problems here.
So, without further rambling I present my first link on YouTube. The piece I wrote for the show is called “Blessings of a Botched Piano Recital.” If you’re interested in reading the essay (instead of listening), I was lucky that the editors at Brain, Child Magazine’s website chose to publish it there.
And if you’re up for a listen and an ant-view, you can do that with the link below. Wishing you all a wonderful tantrum-free week! Nina 🙂
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59 Responses
It’s the words, sweetie, the words that matter. Your bio pic makes up for it all. Remember, there’s always photoshop in that department. Kudos!
Ha! That’s true. And thank you so much Evelyn.
I remember thinking that night, My gosh she’s tiny. (Kidding. Kind of.) ; )
The performance was just as wonderful as I remembered, maybe even better because I think I held my breath the first time and now I can relax, knowing you totally nailed it.
And now, let’s talk about the Nina Badzin YouTube Channel….
Ha! Thanks so much Anne!
For what it’s worth, ant-like or not, your warm voice and words, and the quick close-up at the beginning made for an enjoyable experience. Tech glitches are bound to happen sometime, and I’m confident you’ll have other opportunities.
Jan O’Hara recently posted..Maer Wilson Interview & Giveaway: Relics (The Thulukan Chronicles #1)
Jan! Thanks so much for stopping by AND for taking the time to listen to the video. I appreciate your confidence in me, too. Hope you’re doing well! I’ll be by to “see” you soon!
So interesting and a good way of putting it: placing the memento over the experience. I had that same thought when I did a safari in Africa a few years ago. Everyone is out there snapping 1,000 photos (including us) and they are all indistinguishable. You only need a few photos unless you are there for Nat Geo. We have a few framed, which is nice, but I definitely enjoyed the moments I just sat back and took it all in through my own eyes rather than that of a camera.
Deb @ Urban Moo Cow recently posted..Which Is More Important, Intelligence or Resilience?
The picture taking that happens on a trip is a great example. It really is too easy to be worrying about the album that comes later as opposed to experiencing the actual trip.
Thanks for stopping by, Deb!
This is a good perspective! I think, especially in this time when we are able to photograph and record almost every moment of our lives thanks to cell phones, it’s a good reminder that not everything needs to be documented perfectly to be cherished.
Kira recently posted..I Want Daddy!
I love that you worded that: ” . . . not everything needs to be documented perfectly to be cherished.”
Oh, yes, the words…and even though I’ve heard you read this piece many times I still laugh, smile, shed a tear, and totally relate each time I hear it. I am so happy LTYM brought us together. Much love to you, Nina.
K.M. O’Sullivan recently posted..Everyone behaved as expected
I’m so happy to have met you too! And the relationships we all formed and continue to form are more valuable and worthwhile than the video!
What a great example you are to your children, Nina. You obviously felt disappointment, but didn’t let it spoil the whole experience. Kudos to you!
Thanks, Cynthia! I often have to force myself to act like a grownup, but I DO try. 😉
I disagree with you.
I think that children tend to let go of things very quickly.
It is we adults who hold onto anger and resentment.
I’m actually amazed that you were able to see the blessing in the botched video as quickly as you did.
PS:You look really great for those 5 seconds — and then we get to listen and enjoy your words.
renee a. schuls-jacobson recently posted..Misty’s Old Fashioned Letter
I really was very very crabby and pouty for a solid 24 hours. But I think what i’m talking about here might be different than the kind of disappointment and anger you mean. I agree that adults can hold on to relationship anger and resentment and disappointment FAR LONGER than children. This was more a situational thing and there was no person to blame. The only choice was to move on quickly and not stomp my feet over it for too long. A child, on the other hand, even when presented with the logical evidence (it was nobody’s fault, it’s not life or death and so on) will not let it go.
I guess that’s not my experience with my child. My kid is the first one to let things go, both literally and figuratively. For example, when he was in Pre-K, my guy was coloring with a particular crayon when another kid started spazzing out that he wanted THAT crayon. In an effort to regain peace, my dude GLADLY handed over his crayon without resentment or any feeling of loss. Without drama or any need for praise.
That’s soooo not me.
{I’m guessing I would have held onto that crayon and have been happy that I had it.}
As I’ve said before, my child is my best teacher. He never did the tantrum thing. He’s always been more logical and composed than I am. Unfortunately, I know PLENTY of adults who hold onto irrational anger — and while I’m not proud to admit it, I’ve fallen into that trap myself. Does that make me the baby of the family?
renée a. schuls-jacobson recently posted..Misty’s Old Fashioned Letter
Well! I suppose I know a lot of adults who hold on to anger too. Including me sometimes. 😉
I had never thought about it before, but I do that, too. Put the memento before the memory. You’ve given me something to ponder.
Shannon recently posted..Listen To Your Mother Videos Are Here!!!
I think as bloggers we are especially guilty of that. At least it’s easier to fall into that trap I guess.
Nina- I love your ant reading! And I also really like this idea of momento over experience. You have, as always, given me something to think about!
Stacey recently posted..More Read Aloud Please
Thank you, Stacey! That’s a huge compliment. I can’t hope for much else other than giving some food for thoughts once in a while.
I’ve been looking forward to your YouTube debut. Ant video or not, congratulations on a wonderful experience.
You’re right about the memento before the memory. I remember standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon with a friend who must have taken dozens of photos. Clearly it’s photo-worthy, but I didn’t want to remember the experience through the lens of a camera. I wanted to experience it. I think that’s what you’re talking about, too.
On the bright side, it was nice to hear your voice!
Jackie Cangro recently posted..The One with the Way, Way Back
Thank you, Jackie!
As for the Grand Canyon story, another commenter said the same thing about her trip to Africa. I think it’s REALLY hard to keep ourselves in the moment when the camera (or phone) is around.
Oh Nina, I love this post so much. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Me Myself And I #girlsaretrippin
Anne’s comment “My gosh she’s tiny,” just made me spit my coffee. 🙂
I would have felt the same way, Nina. And I’d have probably pouted for longer. One of my favorite and most viewed stories (by far) was published on a site that is now defunct, and when they decided to close their doors, they took down the site and all the writing and left everyone who’d published with them with nothing but dead links and site-not-found messages.
That was in 2010, and I’m still pouting. Good job seeing through your disappointment to the very, very cool experience itself.
j recently posted..A big, little request. And also… my take on fashion.
Ha! Well, that’s a good reason to pout too! But you can resubmit those stories now can’t you? You can say in the cover letter exactly what happened–that they are previously published but no longer available. It’s worth a shot!
Oh Nina, you’ve so aptly described so many emotions and issues that I struggle with. Making it about the memento instead of the experience – check. Drowning in mementos – check. (Hypothetically) having a meltdown over antlike image of self on LTYM show – check. I totally would, except I would sulk for weeks. Forever. I admire you for moving on. And I love your observation about the difference between (most) adults and children. It explains a lot to me about myself 🙂
Katia recently posted..Battling ‘The Plan’ – Donate a Post by Lizzi from Cosiderings
Glad it’s not just me, Katie! Thanks for reading the post and commiserating.
Nice voice! I loved that particular blog and shared it with friends.
I appreciate that so much, Anne! Thank you.
Well, you completely nailed that, Nina. I would have pouted as well, and likely succumbed to a full-on mommy meltdown. I would have been so disappointed if my video had been “messed up” in any way. I am just like you described – I often find that the memento is more important to me than the moment, and cognitively I know that is not the way it is supposed to be! You have such great awareness about why you were so bummed about the video and how it ties into our need to keep mementos. And for what it’s worth, I still loved your video! I’m glad it wasn’t a total loss! Great job!
Stephanie Sprenger recently posted..Is Your Child In the Gifted Program?
Thank you! Looking forward to watching yours by the way!
This is so interesting. For years I have flat out refused to even bring a camera to many events for just this reason. I don’t want what I have come to call “mediated experiences.” Example: we were at the delightfully beautiful Wintergardens here in Auckland recently. It’s always a task to keep my little boy from bumping into people and picking at the plants. While chasing him to and fro, we kept getting in the way of a group of tourists trying to take photo after photo of themselves in front of the plants. They never stopped to read the curated information; never even stopped to gaze at the life around them. In fact, they would take a picture, cluster around the camera, look at the picture together, then move along.
Not to judge anyone’s touring preferences, but that ain’t my kind of memory.
Brian Sorrell recently posted..Salvation
I am often one of the few parents not using a video camera (or phone) to record school skits and assemblies or whatever. I honestly don’t want footage of every moment. It’s not all footage-worthy.
I like the term “mediated experiences.”
You have taught Sam well. And this was hilarious; screw the memento. I love hearing your voice.
Arnebya recently posted..Guest Posting at Things I Can’t Say
Thank you!
What fun to hear you speak, Nina. Despite the tech difficulties, it was obvious that you had the crowd spellbound. Your comedic timing is pretty good ;-). Ever consider stand-up as a side job?
Melissa Crytzer Fry recently posted..Powerless (with pie)
ha! Yeah right. BUT, thank you! That’s a big compliment. 🙂 Seriously . . . thank for you listening. That’s the biggest compliment of all.
Love! And love hearing your voice. Having played in many piano recitals as a child, I can FEEL Sam’s struggle here. And when my girls stumble in theirs, I’ll remember your words. Great job, Nina.
Leigh Ann recently posted..Some stuff
Thank you so much Leigh Ann!
I think ant-like or not, your stage presence was great (both amazing and larger than life). And I love your attitude about the video stuff-up. xo
Oh wow! Thank you!!
So happy to finally hear this (though it was lovely to read as well). Also love your voice, esp. your “accent” : ) … I meant to say that when I listened to your radio spots.
Re: your reaction. Totally understandable! It’s more than that it doesn’t live up to your remembrance of the event: Like photos, the visual capture (aka the symbol) essentially comes to replace the event itself as time goes on. So it’s understandable that the bigger the event the more pressure we put on it. Still, like you said, what a great experience, so in context, it’s all okay. Hope all is well!
Diann
Diann! Thanks so much for listening. Smiling about the accent. My college friends used to get a kick out of my accent. I of course don’t hear it all and don’t notice it in my friends here either.
Great attitude, Nina–not sure I would’ve been able to pull myself out of the tantrum! 🙂
Jolina Petersheim recently posted..A Glimpse Into An Author’s Life After The Novel Hits Shelves~
Thank you!
Nina, I think it’s totally reasonable that you were upset! I know I would have been. But I think it speaks volumes about you that recognized the fruitlessness of that reaction and overcame it. And for what it’s worth — I think the video is still good. The first close-up was nice, and hearing your voice and inflection as you read is the important part. You did a wonderful job!
Annie Neugebauer recently posted..My Vacation: Camping in Colorado
I really appreciate that feedback, Annie. Means a lot. Thank you!
I love how you connected this with your previous post on photographs/mementos becoming too important to us. But I totally understand your disappointment. I love hearing your voice read it, though, and I can remember your beautiful face and your grace and poise! And Brain, Child, right? That’s so fabulous.
Kate Hopper recently posted..Comment on first comes love by Angie Mizzell
Aw, thanks! I remember yours too, of course!
First of all, I LOVE the essay, and I love your delivery!
But I so, so understand why you were upset. I actually switched away from watching the video and just listened. Every time I jumped back, it was a shot of the (completely still) audience. I can empathize with your frustration, and am very impressed with your take-away lesson about putting the memento ahead of the experience. I will try to internalize that!
Rivki Silver recently posted..How I Packed Up My Whole Life Without Losing My Mind*
Thank for understanding my pouting AND for taking the time to listen to the piece. You need to audition next year for Baltimore. You’d be perfect!
I love your honesty here, Nina, and the ultimate message. To be honest, I would have been disappointed too. I really struggle when things don’t turn out the way I planned/hoped/tried to muscle into being.
I loved your essay! And your delivery was terrific – well paced and very effective. Wish I could have been there in person to see you take the stage!
Thank you so much for listening to it, Kristen! Even THAT is above and beyond! I appreciate it so much.
I feel as though I too would have huffed and puffed if my video had turned out that way. It’s an interesting thought about how we put memento ahead of experience. In fact I’ve known that I do it for awhile. But I hadn’t thought of it as a memento. But it is, my biggest regret from my wedding was that we didn’t spend the money on a professional photographer. Because really that’s all I have. The flowers are long dead, the food and cake eaten, the dress never worn again in storage. But the photos I could have kept forever. My memory. My memory isn’t the best. I need the memento. I just hope not at the expense of the experience.
Marta recently posted..From the UPN Metra.
Marta, that is a very fair point about the memory fading and wanting to have the memento.
You know what’s funny? I watched your LTYM video maybe a month or two ago (which I loved, btw!) and even I was crabby that you were small. Like, legitimately pissed at your show’s videographer. So I totally don’t blame you. Meanwhile, I would have been having a total meltdown while you look at the situation like a grown-up and write this great, insightful blog post about what your reaction means. I love it!
Pam recently posted..Reality Check
Thank you! I appreciate the commiseration!