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Ever want to take a road trip or escape for a weekend at a fabulous spa, but not bring your husband? Ever call someone else before your significant other when you have a problem that needs hours of discussion?
For me, the answer is yes. It’s a little something called A BEST FRIEND.
I’m here to defend Oprah. (Not that she asked me.) Seems that for some people, believing Oprah loves Stedman is like believing in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.
The “evidence” many point to is two-fold.
- Oprah rarely appears in public with Stedman.
- Oprah talks about Gayle. A lot.
Last night on the Barbara Walter’s interview, Oprah cried when Barbara asked her to address what Gayle means to her. Oprah’s emotional explanation that Gayle is the [I'm paraphrasing here] mother, sister, friend everyone should have probably did little to quell the lesbian rumors among those convinced that women just do NOT have friendships like Oprah’s and Gayle’s.
Well, I believe Oprah loves Stedman as her life partner (they are not married). But I also believe “Oprah and Gayle” friendships exist. I have a Gayle. And her name is Jenni. (Of course we each fancy ourselves the Oprah in the equation.)
There is NO question that my husband is the love of my life and in many ways my best friend, too. But my friendship with Jenni is different. If I called Bryan as often as I call Jenni, and if I called him for the minutia that Jenni entertains (as I do for her), then I’m pretty sure Bryan would suffocate me with a pillow in the middle of the night.
I believe a person can have “a Stedman” and “a Gayle.” In fact, I have several very close friends in Minneapolis and out-of-town who “complete” my life and bring me joy in a way that my husband and my family could not alone.
Should our husbands, wives, life partners be the one and ONLY person we wouldn’t want to live without?
I don’t think so.
Nina (@NinaBadzin)
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Welcome! I am a freelance writer living in Minneapolis with my husband and four children. My essays on parenting, social media etiquette, improving my habits, Jewish life and more appear in the Huffington Post, Kveller.com, The Jewish Daily Forward and elsewhere. I'm glad you found your way here!
I completely agree with you about Oprah and Gayle; in fact I have such a relationship. One of your sisters is MY Gayle. She is my reality check, my sounding board, my superego when I need it. Honestly, if I did NOT have her in my life, I would be like the Mad Hatter.
Women can provide each other with the insight and support that no husband, boyfriend, or life partner can. We should all be grateful for the Gayles of the world.
Joanna, what a sweet note. I’m so glad to hear that you and Lisa are so close.
It is a honor to be your best friend. As you know- you are also my Gayle (is it weird we both fancy ourselves Oprah??), but considering I outweigh you by a good 15 pounds, I think I win in getting the Oprah title. You are the best friend anyone could ask for – smart, supportive, kind, and most importantly ALWAYS want the best for me. Everyone needs a Gayle in their life, cause let’s face it, my husband can’t be bothered analyzing the length of my bangs or thickness of my eyebrows for 40 minutes a day. So I raise my “glass” to you Gayle/Oprah, but let’s be clear, you are not getting a diamond pinky ring for your 35th-let your husband buy you that.
Jenni–of course this comment was funnier and more interesting than my entire post. You need to guest post ASAP!
We dudes have relationships like that too – only if we cried about it, it’d be a little weird. We stop at ass smacks when it comes to signs of affection.
And I’m glad my wife has “Gayles” in her life – I would’ve snapped and probably killed somebody if I were forced to watch both Sex and the City movies with her.
Pop! I love when you chime in with a guy’s view. My husband says guys insult each other as a sign of infection. I guess that’s kind of like an ass smack.
Nina I could not agree more. Husbands are great for solving the big problems like should we be in Afghanistan etc. The problem with the little stuff is that a man–like a significant other–listens to the problem, gives good advice usually and then is done discussing it. It is our close women friends who can listen to the same issue for days, weeks, months and even years. I don’t know any man who has that kind of patience.
I am so happy you have so many good friends.
Love, Mom
Mom! Has Dad figured out the key to peace in the Middle East yet?
My husband of nearly 10 years is the center of my world and my male best friend. But I also have a “wife,” my best friend Ali. I completely understand Oprah and Gayle’s relationship. Ali and I have the same thing. Who do I call for questions about the kids, help when I can’t make it to preschool pickup, an impromptu lunch date, friend advice, life advice, etc.? Not my husband– I don’t want to bug him all day at work everytime a “crisis” arises– I call Ali. She is the female center of my world, my right hand and my partner in so many things. I don’t think I could manage without my husband and my “wife.” Everyone needs different kinds of life partners and they can’t all be spouses/lovers.
Lisa! I love it! I call Jenni my “other husband.”
Nina, I so agree with you. Several years ago I lost my “Gayle” to breast cancer and have not found anyone even coming close to replacing her. She was one of life’s precious gifts.
K
K- I’m so sorry to hear that. What a painful loss.
Lisa, right back at ya! I don’t know what I would do without you and there really are no words to explain how special you are to me. You are amazing and I am so fortunate to call you my best friend.
Nina, what a great Blog!
Last January for my birthday a group of my fabulous friends donned their LBD’s and attended the musical “Mama Mia”. As the finale song played we all got up and danced and sang. I looked all around me and my heart was full. That’s why we celebrate these friendships. “You can dance. You can jive. Havin’ the time of our lives…”
Ali: Thank you!! I’m so happy Lisa directed you here. I’m also VERY jealous you get to have Lisa as your Gayle/Oprah. She’s one of the out-of-town people who is VERY special to me!!
Jen: Love it!!! It’s like a scene out of amovie
Can´t agree with you more! Living here in this small remote village in Iceland, I don´t know what I would do without my almost daily gchats with Haley. We cover it ALL, grad school apps, educational philosophies, her soc. dissertation, our love lives, our families, our weight, frustrations and lowest moments. I would be devastated without her! Yes,I am married:)
There is an intimacy that is created by two women-friends that can, in fact, be hard for outsiders to understand. As several folks have noted, these friendships have a positive impact on a marriage because they fill needs that many a spouse cannot. From the superficial (bang length) to the core-shaking, both marital partners ought to have a “Gayle” to their “Oprah.”
Andrea and Frume Sarah– seems like we all agree!! So what’s up with all the naysayers in the media who insist Oprah and Gayle are lovers!?!?!?
Nina- I’m so glad that you and Jenni have each other! Wonderfully written blog
Thanks Allison! I’m VERY lucky!!
Im glad you posted this! I was thinking the same thing. My “Gayle” moved across the US seven years ago and while my husband is my best friend he does not want to go get pedi’s and mani’s so it has been tough.
Hi Julia! My “gayle” lives in NYC and I live in Minneapolis. Sometimes I wonder if that’s part of the key to our success!
I agree with you, true friendship between women does exist and I find it a little sad that so many people are skeptical about this, that can only mean that they have not experienced such a friendship. I love my husband and although I do consider him my best friend, he’s no “Gayle.”
Exactly, 30ish Mama!!! Perfectly said!
Love the ode to girlfriends, Nina! There’s nothin’ like them, is there? Fun post, Nina!
I love that you wrote this because I think our close friendships with other women IS different than with our husbands! You are so lucky to have found a true “Gayle” in your life. I have a few very close friends but not one in particluar that I can say is THAT person.
People that talk trash about Oprah and Gayle are simply jealous…
they don’t have that one friend that knows everything about you, that listens to you analyze the same problem (or the size of your pores) every day for the whole of your friendship…
people need to get over it…O’s not a lesbian…and really, why do they all care?
Galit, Theta Mom, and Holly: Thank you so much!!! I’m so happy you found the post and commented. I’m always honored as a new blogger to have other more experienced bloggers chime in!
This is funny, because my husband insists that Oprah is gay (he quotes some person who knows some person who worked for her) and that Stedman is a ruse. I really don’t care, but now that he’s planted it in my head, I can’t get rid of it. I even see her own network as a potential opportunity for her to “out” herself, and I’ve seen advertisements with OWN in rainbow colors.
Regardless, I do think two women can be very close friends like Oprah and Gayle are. I’m actually a little envious of that kind of relationship. It seems like the kind you always dream of as a young girl.
Great blog! Glad to have found you on Scary Mommy!
EVERYONE knows someone who knows someone who knows Gayle or Stedman.
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[...] my never-ending delusion to imagine Oprah as my kindred spirit* (see this, this, and this), I’m sharing the finds that are making my life better these days. Please [...]
[...] of mouth and the allure of something racy. I heard about it in early February from my best friend, who lives in New York City and likes to keep my quaint Minnesotan leanings up to speed. She [...]